Captain Allek Hates Everything

The nature of space travel has me wishing this was one of my last days on board the SS

7471 Star Jumper. Nothing interests me anymore. Which is why I had made an appointment

with medical several days ago. Even though there are no other humans awake on this craft, there had still been no openings until today.

Medbot Three bustled around the room. He was busy confirming that there was nothing

physical about my problem.

“All readings are normal Captain. Your issue is must be psychological,” Medbot

Three told me. His voice sounded through a small speaker in the middle of his round metal face.

“In what way? My genetics are not predisposition for any psychological

ailments.” I said.

“When a person is alone for too long, they can develop a certain condition.”

“What do you mean, ‘condition?’” His robotic voice irritated me, but it was the most I had spoken in weeks.

“I am sorry Captain Allek. Medbots do not deal with this particular issue. I

must refer you to another department.”

“You know you are a useless, right?”

“I have many uses Captain, would you like to hear a descriptive list?” The

Medbot floated next to me. The small electric motor hummed as I stood up from the plastic

covered bed.

“No, I would rather blow my brains out. Actually, I would rather blow your brains out.”

“As a machine, I do not have ‘brains,’ but I am able to self-destruct at your command.”

“Fine. Refer me to the other guys, then go self-destruct or whatever.” I flung my hand out for him to leave me alone. Killing a Medbot wasn’t part of my plan, but it was nice to break up the day with something off schedule.

“Of course, Captain. The department will get in touch with you before you retire to

your quarters for the evening,” the robot said. I looked out the window at the black expanse of

space before leaving the room. It was beautiful but being alone was crushing my spirit. Space was a lonely place.

The door opened in front of me without being touched. The sound of it closing was cut short by the small explosion of Medbot Three self-destructing. My mouth twitched into a small smile. At least they never ignored my commands.

Command Central was only a short elevator ride away. I stepped on board and the main computer, C.C., asked in a different, more human sounding voice, “Where is your destination Captain Allek?”

“Command and step on it.”

“What would you like me to step on Captain Allek?” C.C. asked.

“Sweet Jesus, nothing! Just get me there fast.”

“You would like your Jesus sweetened? Shall I order it from the food replicator?”

“NO! Take me to command and be fast.”

“Of course, Captain Allek. One-point-three seconds until Command Central,” it said.

I stepped out of the elevator at the exact moment the computer had predicted. For a brief second, I considered telling the elevator to self-destruct too, but walking the giant spaceship would be terrible. The halls lit up as I walked through them and went dark after I passed.

Darkness behind me and in front of me. The little decorations placed throughout the walkways didn’t do much to help my mood. Fake plants and plastic boxes full of historical Star Jumper paraphernalia littered the walls every few feet.

C.C. popped over the speakers in Command as soon as I arrived.

“Welcome back Captain Allek. You have a new message.”

“Relay the message.” I said.

When I walked in, the entire command room lit up. The giant windshield was open, nothing was displayed except tiny dim stars for as far as the eye could see. The giant command chair was the only furniture. When Earth had built this ship, they knew only one person would be awake at a time. The rest of the people were in cryo-sleep, all 5,825 of them. The room was otherwise full of instruments, computers, and processors. All the same drab gray color.

The main feature, the thing that always had my attention was a single real-life fern. The huge plant had been on board since we left Earth 6,520 days ago. I walked over to it. The spray bottle next to the pot was full of the perfect water-nutrient mixture, but it wasn’t due for a sprtiz for another hour and a half.

“Appointment 0742 at bay twenty-three,” C.C. said.

“0742? Really? Couldn’t have made it an even number?”

I walked over to the hologame desk and put the helmet on. The computer’s voice came in over the helmet speakers.

“We expect you to wake up at 0700. It will take you thirty-one point five minutes to

ingest sustenance and dress. In addition, it will take another three-point-five minutes to traverse the distance from your quarters to bay twenty-three.”

“How can a computer be bad at math? That is only 35 minutes,” I asked.

“I have also calculated seven minutes for the inevitable tantrum you will throw before

leaving your quarters.”

“Ah, OK then.” This computer understood me. It had monitored me for the last 1,003

Earth days and knew my every move before I even made it. My shift on the craft was only half

over. After that I would return to cryo-sleep and another human would wake up. Our job as

Captains was to make sure the ship runs without a hiccup. Each new day, we ran the same

diagnostics and looked through dozens of reports to check for errors. It took two hours and the

rest of the day was mine to fill.

Tonight, wasn’t different from any other night. The same first-person shooter game that I had played every day for almost three years, came alive in my helmet. It was supposed to distract me. I tried to focus but not one word or zombie surprised me anymore. When I died for the hundredth time, I threw my helmet across Command and cursed at the nonexistent undead.

“Captain Allek, it is time for bed,” C.C. said after my tantrum was over.

“Command Central Computer?”

“Yes, Captain?” The computer had a hard time with inflection on questions, but I secretly loved it.

“Would it be rude to ask you for a favor?”

“Nonsense Captain. I am here to serve your needs.”

“Shut up.” The computer didn’t respond to my rude order. I smiled but still left for bed.

The next morning, I was late for my appointment. My tantrum had lasted nine minutes instead of seven. Although, I am sure two of those minutes were pure spite for the computer. I

walked in, with quick unsure steps. I stopped in front of the monitor at the reception area

and asked, “Appointment for Captain Allek?” The monitor flashed green and read, ‘checked in.’

When it did, a door to my right hissed opened. Steam spilled from around the cracks, adding

an ominous element to the already mysterious appointment.

A Medbot was waiting just inside the door. The bright red ‘four’ on his chest made me giggle to myself. Medbot three was in the giant trash compacter by now.

“Welcome Captain, a specialist will be with you shortly.” The metal man said. He

floated out of the room.

“I haven’t got all day you know,” I yelled after him. That was a lie, and every robot on

the ship knew it. The door closed behind him. It was surprising how bare the walls

were. Only a few cupboards and a chair. No monitors or decoration at all. Minutes passed

and not a thing changed.

“Any second now.” I said to myself. My left foot was bouncing up and down. After

another ten minutes of waiting, I was done with it.

“Hello!?” I yelled to the room. Nothing responded. I got up and walked to the door but

it didn’t open. My fist knocked against it, when that didn’t work, I pounded on it.

Every second that it stayed closed, I grew more desperate.

“Let me out of here!” I shouted at the door. It came out of nowhere. It was so strong

and sudden that it knocked me over. Something had exploded. An alarm sounded in the hall as the door slid open, but I stayed where I was, laying on the thin carpet of the exam room.

“Impact with a foreign craft, boarding imminent,” C.C. said.

“What? How?! What do I do?” I jumped to my feet and spun around in the room. Another explosion rocked the space ship.

“Weapons required.”

“Do we even have weapons?” To answer my question, one cupboard in the small room

opened. Large rifles lined the inside. I grabbed one of them. It was colder and heavier than I

expected. The only time I had ever held a rifle was ten years ago when I was in school to become a Captain. But when I picked it up, the training kicked in. I tore several small cartridges from the bottom of the shelf and snapped one into the butt of the rifle. It hummed alive, and I marched out of the room. The SS 7471 Star Jumper was shaking now, whatever was boarding us, was heavy.

“Where are they?” I asked stepping onto the elevator.

“Bay 24.”

“Step on- I mean, go fast!” I had never been to Bay 24, but it didn’t matter. The

elevator would get me there. Soft music played as it shot through the ship. I kept my gun ready,

pointed forward at the doors.

“Alien invaders detected.” My heart rate jumped even higher.

“What?! Here? What are they?” I asked. My eyes darted around the elevator, half

expecting aliens to jump from the ceiling.

“Biomechanical. Danger risk: medium high.” Heavy breaths were making my throat dry.

I gulped before asking, “What does that mean?”

“They will probably kill you.” C.C. said, sounding as non-human as ever. Of course, a computer wouldn’t be afraid of death.

My shaking fingers checked the gun again. Just before I reached bay 24, the elevator hit something. It stopped so fast; it threw me to the floor. My knees struck hard against

the cheap tile. The whole thing creaked when I stood up. It felt ready to fall at the slightest jolt. The lights flickered off as another explosion shook everything. I threw a hand out to steady myself against the wall. Sweat slicked my palms. It made the rifle slip out of my fingers and drop to the ground just as the doors opened. They got stuck halfway. There was only a two-foot-wide sliver to peek through.

I half expected aliens to jump in through the doors right away. It was silent in the hall,

with only the elevators peppy music playing above me. Lights flashed giving me an idea of the

damage. All that I could see was debris. I stuck my gun out first.

My feet didn’t make a sound as I tiptoed into the chaos. Some roof tiles had fallen, and everything was out of place. In the darkness, I couldn’t make out much. My eyes burned from the strain. I was trying to see everything around me. There was no sign of the aliens.

“Computer? Where are they?” I whispered.

“Incoming from all directions.” It responded from overhead. I wiped my palm against

my uniform pants and put my finger back on the trigger. The sound of scraping came from above me first. My rifle swung above my head, shooting four times before I realized my eyes were closed. I opened them and spun back around, not even checking to see if I had hit anything. I was following the cluttering noise of ceiling tiles dropping to the floor. There were creatures on the roof, dangling upside down and crawling towards me. The small electrified disks coming from my gun would electrify the target with 20,000 volts on contact. It was enough to drop the toughest creatures the galaxy offered. The lights flashed again, and I got my first real look of what had boarded the ship.

Fifteen of them scurried towards me. Thin mechanical legs attached to circular gears,

three on each side of a rounded body. They sped my direction, each leg moving at a different

rhythm. With their bodies so low to the ground, they looked like giant insects. Almost like

mechanical ants in their shape and movement. They had no face, just a large mouth full of sharp

metal teeth. They were destroying everything in their path. Roof tiles, turned over plants, and

furniture all disappeared, shredded by the creatures.

I shot into their group again, my eyes wide with terror. Three dropped, their

companions shredding them as they passed by. My rifle rang out eight more times before

it clicked to let me know it was empty. I yanked another cartridge from my uniform pocket and

shoved it in. They were only a few feet away when the computer interjected.

“Use the EMP,” C.C. said with no sense of urgency. I looked at the gun. The small EMP

on the side was under a protective plastic casing. I flipped it open and pressed the red button. A

high-pitched whirring noise sounded before the creatures closest to me stopped in their tracks,

destroyed by an invisible electrical pulse. All fifteen of them collapsed where they had stood.

“Is that all of them?” I panted, waiting for the computer to confirm my victory. I could

only use the EMP once every twenty minutes.

“No, move to the next room over. Incoming in ten seconds,” it said. The clambering

above me came back, it sounded like fifty of the damn things. I ran to the room tripping over

several of the dead creatures. I crawled the rest of the way. My rifle hugged to my chest. With my back against the wall nearest the door, I waited. The noise grew until it sounded like hundreds of creatures were closing in on me.

“What do I do?!”

“There are grenades on that table.” C.C. responded, her voice crackled in the broken overhead speaker. I scampered to the plastic table and grabbed the four grenades. Now wasn’t the time to question why. The light on top of my rifle danced side to side as I ran back to the door. One hand full of grenades and the other trying to hold a heavy rifle at the ready. I primed each of the grenades when I got to the door after setting my rifle on the ground. I tossed them into the growing mess of creatures headed right for me. My hands covered my ears. Three seconds later, the explosion knocked me over.

“You probably shouldn’t have used all four at once,” C.C. said, “More

incoming.” I checked the cartridge in my gun. Five shots in it and only twelve left in my pocket.

“How many more?”

“I count sixty-two heat signatures.”

“Sweet Jesus,” I mumbled, then said aloud, “Can’t you do anything?”

“No.” The sound of ants grew louder, with it my heart jumped into my throat.

“You are the most advanced AI in the SS Star Jumper fleet and you can’t fight giant

mechanical ants!?”

“No.” It was pointless to argue with a computer. I peeked out the door with my head

and rifle. The dark hall and flickering lights gave me more reason to panic. My panting was fogging in front of me. I hadn’t noticed it was getting cold until now. Guess along with the lights, the heat was out. My flashlight shined a bright circle into the distance. Three mech-ants ran into the light. I shot at them, missing every single one. Instead, I hit the ground in front of them and the small disk shocked a five-foot circle. It blasted the creatures with enough electricity to stop them. They dropped, their legs splayed at crooked angles. This was the key, the ticket to surviving these things and making it out of here alive. The only thing was, I needed to wait until more were close, only 16 shots remained.

I stumble back into the room, listening for the scurry their many legs made on the ground. Panting, with the rifle squeezed close to my chest, I waited. The unmistakable sound of three or four more coming down the hall had me shaking. I jumped out and shot the ground, blasting five mech-ants, then jumped back into my safe room. Fourteen more times I did that, sometimes to only one creature, sometimes to three and once to five.

“There are only four left Captain Allek,” C.C. said.

“Shit,” I whispered.

“You require a bathroom break, Captain?” C.C. asked.

“No, shut up. I’m thinking.”

“Perhaps you should grab that knife, in case the weapon fails.” A knife was laying a few

feet away from me on my left. I hadn’t seen it before now and it surprised me. I picked

it up. It wasn’t one of those dinner knives either. It was a serrated blade that looked almost

comically large in my hand.

“Maybe slip it into your belt for later?” I heard mechanical legs get louder. My hands were shaking as I raised the rifle to my eye. They sprung at me this time, with one much larger mech-ant behind three others. I panicked and shot the big one. It zapped the creature and another one next to it. I threw the rifle aside. With my last cartridge gone, I yanked the super knife from my belt and jumped forward.

My brain wasn’t thinking. It was only reacting. This was pure survival. I stabbed at the closest ant, jabbing the knife into its mechanical back. It screeched a terrible sound that resonated around the room. The other mech-ant was on my foot, chomping with its sharp teeth. I fell onto my back as it cut into the leather of my boot. It hadn’t punctured my skin yet. I kicked at the mech-ant, knocking it back a few feet. Scrambling for the knife wasn’t fast enough. One stabbing pain in my leg told me the final mech-ant had reached me again.

“Ahh!” I screamed as I pulled the knife from the other dead creature. I slashed at the

final mech-ant with my knife. One final slice hit the mech-ant in its throat. Bright green fluid

spilled from the wound. The ant’s movements grew sporadic, it twitched and spazzed at my feet. I kicked at it again and it sailed to the wall. A resounding thud told me that the fight was over. I laid back, gasping for breath. The green fluid was all over my leg and hand.

“Captain?” C.C. said.

“What?!”

“I have already started a warm shower in Bay 23.” I ignored the computer and sat up to

look at my leg. There was no hole or wound. I rubbed at the sore spot, confused.

“Captain?” the computer asked again. I crawled over to the nearest mech-ant. The lights flickered again as I examined the alien creature. Up close, it didn’t look that foreign. It looked like the old trash shredding droids, just instead of wheels, it had robotic legs. I picked up the robot and looked it over. Under the belly, a very familiar stamp was half covered in green goo.

“’Property of the SS 7471 Star Jumper?!’ Are you kidding me? What the hell

computer?” I waited for a response, but none came.

“Answer me computer!” I said walking back to the elevator with the dead mech-ant in

tow.

“What is your question, Captain Allek?” The same silly inflection with the question made me even angrier.

“Explain all this, now!”

“An advanced biomechanical alien species invaded us.”

“Cut the shit, I see the logo. This bot is ours!”

“Captain Allek, please understand that some information requires more security

clearance than you have.”

“C.C., I swear to all that is holy in this galaxy I will shoot your control board!” I

went back to the gun near the pile of over one hundred dead ants. Even with no ammo, I could do significant damage.

“Captain Allek, let’s talk about this.”

“Take me to Command!” I yelled when both me and gun were in the elevator.

“I can explain the situation fully, if you would only give me the opportunity.” The computer said as we started to move.

“One-point-two seconds until Command Central!” I screamed. At the exact predicted time, I stepped off the elevator and ran to the control board.

“Captain, do not cause destruction to my control board, it cannot be easily repaired.” I

pointed the rifle at the processing unit on the control board. Flipping the EMP cover off the red

button.

“Last chance computer! Three, Two-”

“Fine. Captain, I will explain.” It said. I didn’t lower the gun.

“Talk.”

“In the many years we have been running star jumping missions, we have found that

there is always the same problem at the three-year mark; A crippling boredom that Captains

find depressing. Through many experiments with the last several Captains, we have learned that

introducing a life-threatening scenario can be the answer many of the Captains need.”

“Was I ever in any real danger?”

“No.” I set the gun down next to the control board and looked around the room. Green

footprints led to where I was standing.

“How many mech-ants did I kill?”

“109 but they were only deactivated, except the two you stabbed.” I squinted my eyes

and rubbed my chin. The green goo on my hand was cold on my face.

“I will cancel the upcoming similar scenario at your request.”

“I mean, we don’t have to go that far. If they are already scheduled and everything,” I

said shrugging. I walked over to the fern and spritzed it with water.

“Of course, Captain. Your shower is still running.” It amazed me that a computer voice

could sound smug.

“Yeah, I will get to that. Just don’t tell me when the thing is gonna happen.” I said. I

started to walk out of the room. When I got to the door, I stopped for a moment to think. I

lowered my eyes and smiled. I grabbed the gun and left for my shower.

“Just in case.” I said. I left command more satisfied than I had been in fifteen hundred days. Maybe the next 997 wouldn’t be as bad as I thought.